BENKAY!!!!

To my dearest uncle Kunle!!

I still remember all the details so clearly like it happened a few minutes ago. 

Monday morning, I was in the kitchen washing the dishes when Olaolu walked in and said "uncle Kunle is gone." 

You know what I did? I hissed... strange yeah? But that was exactly what I did. At that moment the only emotion I felt was anger... no I would rather say rage. 

Anger at the fact that you eventually left, rage at God for taking you. It didn’t matter that I had seen you along with my parents a few weeks before and you really didn't look so good. All that didn’t matter because I believed you would get better, I had faith that you were not going to leave us. But you did. 

We had done everything. I had done everything, I remember then in school, we used to have healing services (which was not compulsory to attend), I went for every single one of them. I prayed so much for you. I remember when I came back from school and stayed in Abuja, you were there along with aunty, you were on your way to India (or was it coming back from there?). I anointed you and prayed for you that morning you were leaving. But God still decided to take you. 

You did a thanksgiving the December before and we were all so glad that you were fine, alas it was short lived. You still left. 

I didn’t go for your burial. Yeah, I know I had a wedding which I was to be a bridesmaid for that weekend but even tho I didn’t have the wedding, I doubt I would have gone because I felt so betrayed, betrayed by God. A rather similar thing had happened some years ago when grandpa press died, I was still a little girl then so I thought it was because I didn’t pray enough that he died. But this time I know I prayed for you, I really did. But you still left us.

It’s been 6 years since then and I know you’ll want to hear that I’m over it and I’ve probably moved on or that I’m no longer angry at God, but I’m sorry, I’m still so broken. I catch myself getting angry anytime I hear a testimony of how somebody was healed of cancer, I always find my self asking why yours was different, I guess I’m only being human 😢

2014 messed me up big time. I guess I’ll eventually be over it, I mean, I always hear of how time heals everything. I hope I get to heal soon. 

Sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting a little bit, I mean who was I to you, just your nephew’s daughter, but you meant so much to me, you meant so much to us, you still do actually. You were mummy’s favorite Okeowo family member after grandpa press sha 😅. Aunty Bola is now her favorite sha. My dad cried when he heard of your demise. It hurt him so much. You were more than an uncle to him, you were a brother and most of all, a friend. 

The entire Okeowo clan misses you greatly. You indeed made a mark in this world. You were indeed a great man.

I think I’ll just stop here. I’ve cried so much already. Maybe these are the tears I didn’t shed 6 years ago. 

Keep resting Benkay. I love you.